Key To Happiness

By: Jax

This is my first time to narrate a story of mine. I am not a writer, so please bear with my flaws. As the other authors describe themselves, so I too shall describe or introduce myself. I am Jax, 22 years old, a politician (yes, I am), 5’11”, slim, fair skinned, bisexual and from one of the provinces here in the northern part of the Philippines.

So much with the introduction, here’s the story ad I hope you guys like it. But if not, it is okay. Comments, criticisms and /or suggestions are welcome.
Note: names are the only one changed.

It all started with “hi and hello.” Although we may be neighbors and childhood playmates, I consider this that it all started with the typical hi and hello.

His father was my official driver when I was still in college. One night, I have to watch a pageant wherein one of my block mates was a contestant. Mom and dad did contact Kuya Boy to drive for me and he then asked what time will we go and told me that he’ll bring his son Travis with us and I said yes. In my mind, this is now the chance to know him better since Kuya Boy always tells stories about him to which I get curious about his only son.

Upon arrival at the venue, Kuya Boy told me that my parents instructed him that Travis will accompany me. While the show was on going, we only talk to each other if I ask him if he is bored or what he wants to eat. But most of the time, we were not talking since we are not that close and the first time to be with each other’s company.

The show was over and there where I confirmed to myself that “yes, I have a crush on him.” As they say, it only takes a minute to have a crush on someone.

Months passed when I knew that they are already residing in Laguna. Admittedly, I got sad since I know that i will not have any chance to be with him.

By the power of the internet – social media, he added me on facebook and no second thoughts, I accepted his friend request. Minutes after accepting his request, he messaged me – the typical getting to know stage and I got surprised when he gave his contact number and told me to just text him since he is not that facebook addict. I saved his number and texted him after stalking his account. While I was stalking his profile, there where I got a mini heart ache since he has a girlfriend and I told myself “Jax, you have no chance.”

The following day, I texted Travis where we elevated our getting to know stage. Unexpectedly, he asked me how my love life is and I just replied that I’m not in a relationship since 4th year high school. I didn’t bother to ask him how’s his love life is since it is evident in his account that he is happy with his girl. While we were exchanging messages, I’m contemplating whether or not to tell him how I feel towards him. But at the end of the day, I told him that I have a crush on him and he just told me that I can have a crush on him but he cannot compensate what I feel towards him and that friendship is the only thing he can give to me. It maybe heartbreaking yet I already knew what he will reply because after all, Travis is still a straight guy.

I knew that he might not text me anymore because of what I told him about my feelings towards him. I waited for his message the whole day but there was none. Days, weeks, months, one year, still no message from him and I regret telling him that I have a crush on him.

August of last year when he messaged me on facebook. That moment, I was so happy that I jumped in to glee and felt like 16 y/o again. There where he explained why he not contacted me – it was because he and her girlfriend separated. I’m a bit sad on what happened on his relationship but also a bit happy hoping to have a chance with him. For that one year, he decided not to log in on facebook and not to have a cellphone for him to move on.

From that moment, up to September we had a constant communication and honestly I got used to it. Good morning/night, eat your breakfast/lunch/dinner, and all other typical messages. Some serious, stupid topics. The calls from him up to 2am. This period, I asked him if there is any chance that he can be my boyfriend. And he answered on the affirmative with the proviso that he will still have to contemplate about it and I will wait for that day.

He says I love you to me and acted as if he is my boyfriend but whenever I ask him what is the real score between us, his answer is always “friends, more than friends but not in a relationship.” Honestly, his words brakes me but still I am thankful for what we have and still hoping to be in a relationship.

“Good things never last.” Never did I imagine that the sweet conversations with him will end. From October to second week of December last year, we had no conversation. I never fail to text and call him every day of October but he never reply nor receive my calls. It was heartbreaking for me but I tried to be strong.

When I got used of the situation of no message or call from him, it was the time when he called me asked if will be available on the Christmas break for his sister’s debut. Because I want to see him, I said yes without looking at my schedule. There again, we had communication. I am happy since he is the one who gave the invitation. And I got more in love with him when I saw him. The qualities of a guy is with him, shorter than me, gym fit, bubble butt, chinito, and has a braces.

On the day of the event, while I was preparing I told him that I am a bit hesitant to attend since I don’t know who the other invitees are but he assured me that he will accompany me the whole event and that I don’t have to worry. He called me that I need to prepare a short message since it is a must for us 18 treasures and instructed me that I have to notify him when I arrived already so he can wait me at the lobby, so I obliged. But to my dismay, he told me that I will just enter the hall since he went out to get some stuff in his maternal family home needed for the event, again, I obliged. What made me mad is the fact that he did not go to his maternal family home but he is busy entertaining one gay – guy (bisexual) and I just passed them and smiled sarcastically but deep inside me, I am breaking into pieces. I am not in the mood anymore to attend all I want that time is go home and join my tito’s birthday party. To exercise professionalism, I stay calm and didn’t show the others that I am that devastated. He apologized through text and didn’t bother to come and talk to me personally. As the party has not yet started, I went out of the hall to calm down. I don’t know if he was watching over me or someone told him that I went out because he called me and asked where I am. I told him I’m on a friend’s house near the venue and call me when the party has started, where in fact I was on the car just to calm down.

I didn’t know that the event is the debut of his sister and also his birthday party. I am a part of the 18 treasures and also with the one he was with earlier. Brix is his name basing on the invitation, he gave his message before me and I got curious why he calls the debutante “kapatid.” It was my turn, I altered impromptu the speech I made since both of them (Travis and his sister) are in the stage. It is an instruction that after delivery of the message/greetings, photo ops with the two. I only have one gift on hand and it is for the debutante, and while on the stage with them he asked for his gift and I pretend that I didn’t hear anything from him.

Few minutes after my part, I observed him while we were exchanging messages. He and Brix are having some conversation through sign language. It made me jealous. I cannot take what was happening anymore so I decided to go home. He went down the stage and accompanied me to his mother and bid good bye. His mom doesn’t want me to go home that early but good thing I had an excuse – the birthday party of my tito. He was with me until the parking area, he was talking to me but I never responded as a sign of the pain I’m feeling that time. I arrived home that I didn’t notify him. I don’t want to bother him on his birthday party.

While I was getting ready to sleep, he called me and said sorry for what happened on the party. Travis told me that he want to catch up the following day so we agreed to meet up on the afternoon. Truly, he compensated and even exceeded what I was expecting. I surprised him when we went to the mall and told him that he will choose what he wants and that will be my birthday gift to him. After buying, he asked me if I can teach him how to drive and I did teach him. Yes, Kuya Boy was the one who taught me how to drive; now, I am now the one teaching his son how to drive. While he was driving, I took photos of him and sent it to Kuya Boy (he is now in abroad) and he was happy and even told me “pag tyagaan mong turuan yan, gaya ng pagtityag ko noon sayo. Salamat. It is good to see that you two are now close.” When about sunset, he asked me to drive to the beach. There, he told me that we had to have a picture together since we didn’t have one last night. I remembered that he promised me that we will have a picture on the debut of Trish, his sister. Surprisingly, he held my hand while watching the sunset. Truly, there is a rainbow after the storm.

I understand that again, we didn’t have any communication after the debut and catching up moments since both of us are back to being students and it is midterms season, so we are both busy. But I didn’t expect is that he again never had the courage to text or call me until February 13, 2014.

Trish, out of the blue texted and explained to me why Brix calls her “kapatid.” There I knew that Travis and Brix had been in a relationship way back 2009. And that gave me more hope to be in a relationship with Travis.

February 14, Valentine’s Day, I know that I will be bitter since I have no date and I will only get jealous for the ones who have dates. At 7 in the morning and I was still sleeping my phone rang and I didn’t notice who was the caller. The person on the other line confidently speaking “Good morning, boss! Happy Valentine’s Day. Will you be my date?” I answered “sure, boss. Date through skype?” he laughed hardly and answered “I’m just near you, get off the bed and let’s meet at 10am and I have something important to tell you. Bye, see you later, boss!” I prepared and I hoped that this will now be the time he will say yes. We went out for lunch and asked where will be going after and told me I will watch him practice for the motocross race the following day. Yes, he is a motocross rider. While we were having lunch, I asked him what is the important thing that he will tell, and he just smiled and squeezed my nose. After having lunch, we headed to the racetrack for his practice and since my class is at night, I grabbed the chance to read my lessons for the graded recitation but I cannot concentrate because of that important thing. The day passed and he never told me what that important thing is. I keep on calling and texting him but again, no response from him. Again, expect the unexpected. My February 14 was bitter sweet, anyway.

After my final exams, I decided to conduct my own motocross race and dad is in support of it and funded it. Well, basically it is for my benefit for the upcoming 2016 elections and more importantly, this event was for him. I was hands-on on the preparation of this event because I want to prove myself to him. While the motocross was fast approaching, Travis volunteered to accompany me to do some of the works to be done after all he is the one who has knowledge about this and also time for us to bond again. Afternoons, we had road trips where people make issues about us that we are in a relationship. I told him about the issues coming out and he answered “just don’t mind them, let them say whatever they want to say. Who are they to preclude us from doing these things, they are just jealous.” We may not be in a relationship but the way he addressed the issues gave me security to act normal in public when I am with him.

For the last minute preparations, I didn’t bother Travis since there are many motocross races he has to attend. For the last things to be bought I asked the help of some friends who has background about motocross to accompany me but Travis did volunteer to accompany me so I cancelled the scheduled activity with my friends and went with him. Unfortunately, Travis had another purpose why he volunteered to accompany me. Actually, he did not accompany me to the supposed to be activity. He went to another friend to visit the racetrack where he will compete the following day. In the end, I was the only one who bought the thing to be needed and as a consequence, I carried all of those by myself. He keeps on telling sorry to me but I don’t have the guts to reply him. He calls me but I reject his calls.

Scheduled motocross race came, I tried to be civil with him so as not to be obvious with our friends and his relatives that we I had a hard feeling towards him. And it went well.

My birthday came and all who helped me in preparation for my motocross race were invited, some riders, relatives, friends and neighbors were present. His sisters, mom, grandmother were present but he was not around. I tried to be happy because it was my day but deep within me, I am sad since he was not around and no greetings from him. Dinner time (2nd wave of the party) came, he was present and his presence brought happiness in me. Save the best for last, as they say.

After my birthday, I told myself that from that day, I will detach myself from him but I failed. After those dramas, we had the chance to talk to each other sincerely and cleared things. Yes, we didn’t have a chance to be in a relationship but we decided to keep what we have – more than friends but not as lovers.

The rest of the summer vacation went well. We had the chance to go out without having any hesitations. I had the chance to stay in their house all day long and to get to know more about his sisters and his mom. Yes, I am welcome to his family and I consider them as my second family.

And a day before they will go back to Laguna and before I start my post graduate studies, we spent the whole day roaming around the province. Went to random places, foods all day long and when it is time for him to step down the car, I unexpectedly received a kiss on the lip from him which brought me tears while I was driving home.

With all of these, I realized that I am lucky having him and I that I didn’t notice that fact since I am focused on achieving the status of being in a relationship with him. That I am too selfish to force him to be in a relationship with him where in fact that status or label is not needed since we are in love with each other.

Contentment and acceptance is the key to happiness.